Why you can't find your purpose

On rejection, redirection, and following sparks in the dark.

I used to think my purpose would announce itself in a big way.
A job title, a stage, a grand “aha.”

Instead, it revealed itself slowly, in unexpected ways. Through small sparks I never could have planned.

This year has felt like following sparks in the dark.
No map. No plan. Just one small light at a time.

The first spark was losing my job. I had built my identity around that role, so when it ended, it felt like collapse. A void. The unraveling of a self I had wrapped around a title. But it also gave me something I hadn’t felt in years: space. Space to stop pretending. Space to ask harder questions. Space to experiment.

So I followed the faintest spark of an idea: maybe I could tell the truth. I started this Substack. I launched a video series called Rebranding My Life, sharing my mess in real time. To see what would happen if I stopped curating and started showing up as myself.

That spark led to new and rekindled connections. People told me they’d been through similar situations and were feeling the same things. I had countless coffee chats, surprising opportunities came my way, and I even created my Mess to Message framework.

Your mess is your message

A month later, another spark appeared. A chance to apply as a community speaker at a conference I was attending. In my head, I imagined it as the climax of my “rebrand”—my big comeback moment, lol.

Instead, I got a rejection.

It stung. I stared at the email, thinking: I really thought this was it.

Funny enough, that ‘no’ ended up being the most important spark of all.

When the sting passed, I asked myself: What did I really want from this opportunity? And the answer was simple. I wanted to share my story. I wanted to help people. And I realized, I didn’t need anyone’s permission to do that.

So I followed the next spark. I offered free 1:1 “Rebrand Your Life” sessions to people at the event. At first, I thought I was helping them polish their story, maybe find the right words for LinkedIn.

The Whatsapp message I sent to the event participants.

But these conversations got deep, fast. People told me things they hadn’t said out loud before: fears about purpose, perfectionism, not feeling enough. Conversations that started as “I don’t know what to post” almost always became “I don’t know if I’m allowed to be who I really am.”

And in helping others realign with their truth, I found myself realigning with mine.

What surprised me most was what people reflected back to me. Again and again, they told me I had a gift: the way I made them feel safe, seen, and understood almost instantly; the way I asked the one question that shifted their whole perspective; the way I spotted the blocks they couldn’t see and connected the dots of their story. More than once, someone said, “You were spot on. You told me exactly what I needed to hear.”

I started to feel it too. That this wasn’t just branding strategy. It was intuition. Deep listening. Pattern recognition. A kind of mirror I didn’t know I could be, helping people name fears they couldn’t see, and step back into who they really are.

That’s when I realized: this is what purpose feels like. Not a title, not a plan, not a stage. Not something you chase or “find” out there. But that spark of recognition when you’re using your natural gifts in service of others.

That spark grew into a birthday challenge: rebrand 33 lives for my 33rd year. It felt lofty, but in just two weeks I had already done 30 sessions, with three more to go.

What started mostly as free sessions soon turned into 7 paying clients, an encouraging sign that I’d found work aligned with my gifts and purpose.

Rebranding isn’t about logos, fonts, or colors. It’s about identity. It’s about clarifying who you want to be, and showing up as that person—online, at work, in life.

And here’s the plot twist: if I’d gotten that speaking slot, I might have just given a nice talk and gone home. Instead, the rejection nudged me into a three-day speaking workshop. On the final day, I got a last-minute invitation to apply for TEDx in London. It felt serendipitous, so I stayed up until midnight to send in my application.

And a few weeks later, I got the email: I’d been chosen.

This November, I’ll be standing on a red dot in London, sharing this story with the world.

It felt like the universe was saying: I had something better for you. 🥹

Looking back, I see it clearly: every “no” was part of the trail. Every detour carried a spark. Losing a job. Getting rejected. Starting over with small, messy experiments. None of them looked like purpose at the time. But together, they led me to it.

And maybe that’s what purpose really is. Not something we “find” in a lightning bolt moment, but something we create slowly, if we’re willing to follow the sparks.

That’s been my story this “Jesus year”: from losing my job, to rebranding my own life, to working with 30 people and watching them come home to themselves, to saying yes to a TEDx stage I never could have planned for.

None of it happened on a timeline I expected. But all of it happened right on time.

So if you’re standing in the messy middle, unsure of your next step, wondering if you’ll ever feel clear, this is for you: trust the sparks. They know the way.

Big love,
Joei

P.S. If one of your sparks is to rebrand your life, I still have a few spots left in my 33-for-33 challenge. In 30 minutes, I’ll help you clear the blocks keeping you from showing up, reframe your story into a message, and walk away with 2–3 ways to express your true self. You can sign up here.

💭 What spark is waiting for you to follow it?

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